Saturday, June 2, 2007

I'll be missing you

Yet another long time between posts… but this time it’s taken me a while to get the words together.

Several years ago, I made a CD for a friend of mine with several of my favorite songs on it. He listened to it then told me that I really needed to pick some more uplifting songs as favorites, because all of mine were depressing. I had never really thought about it before, but then I realized he was pretty accurate – generally, I pick my favorites based on lyrics first and musicality second, and many of the lyrics were not the most upbeat.

One of the songs on the disc, and probably my favorite song in general, is Nothing Lasts for Long, by the Samples. The lyrics can obviously be found online, but for quick reference, here you go:

“Take my hand and walk with me
And tell me who you love
Make a wish and you can see
The first star from above

Ya ever feel so deep and lost
Somewhere in the past?
Is it wrong to not hold on
if nothing ever lasts?

Maybe nothing lasts for ever
Not the mountain or the sea
But the times we have together
They will always be with me

The sun is down and the wind is calm
As it gently fades away
I wonder then and I think of you
And how nothing ever stays

Take my hand and walk with me
And tell me who you love
Make a wish and you can see
The first star from above

Nothing lasts for long”

I know, I know – not the happiest lyrics in the world, but I read them first as a poem, and then heard the song, and it’s been one of my favorites ever since.

The past few weeks, this song has run through my head more times than I can count. On Wednesday, May 9, my good friend Matt died while playing flag football in a rec league. He was only 29, had just finished his first year of law school at George Mason, and had been married for just over a year and a half.

I’ve been gathering my thoughts for 3 weeks, and I’m still having a hard time finding the right words to say about him, especially in a post. Especially since I’m not really a “writer,” I’m not really sure how to go about capturing a friend in a paragraph (or even a page).

Matt was one of those friends that filled a room with his presence – he was constantly talking, laughing and joking, and you could always count on him to include the whole room in conversation. He always had an opinion (and was never afraid to share it), but he was happiest when someone else had an opinion, too. I guess, well, he was one of those friends where you never had to wonder where you stood or what he thought – he was direct, but still nice (something I try to pull off but don’t think I do as well as he did). Of course, he was also sarcastic and loved to give people a hard time. He did spread it around, though – I know I took my share of ribbing (especially when Kansas lost in the first round of the tournament 2 years in a row), but so did his wife Kourtnee, and our other friends, too.

The first thing that really comes to mind for me when thinking about him is how much he loved dancing. In October 2003, just a few months after moving here, my sister came to visit and a group of us went to Nick’s (a bar in VA) to go country swing dancing. It was the first time I saw Matt and our friend Holly swing dance: they were doing lifts and spins and tricks, and it was so seamless. About a year later, when Holly was married, she wore capris to her rehearsal dinner so that she and Matt could dance to the blue-grass band – and he wasn’t even the groom! And it wasn’t just Holly… Matt was able to get my roommate onto the dance floor (an achievement considering it was swing dancing), and he even got her to try a trick or two. He was the best lead that I ever danced with and he taught me the two-step, which I had wanted to learn. In April, I watched him and Kourtnee take over the floor at the wedding of our friends Bonnie and Alex, and it was so great to watch them.

The thing is, there are a million small memories that I have from our friendship over the past 4 years - those are the things that will hit me in the middle of the day when I’m thinking of something else, or will wake me up in the night when I worry because I haven’t talked to him recently. Just last week, I started to e-mail him when I saw the draft projection for Acie Law (from Texas A&M, Matt’s alma mater) in the NBA. And I guess that’s what happens when you lose a friend – you let the small things keep you connected, and use the big things to make you smile when you’re sad.

To Matt – a great friend who will never be forgotten… I miss you.

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