The Circle of Life

*I know I just posted about upcoming posts, but while taking a shower, I thought of a topic too important to put off.

This may sound (read) weird, but the thing I love most about being Jewish is the way that we deal with death. I know that seems like an odd topic, especially at the beginning of a new year, but it’s true. The rules regarding mourning are essentially the Jewish version of a 12-step program for recovering from the death of a loved one, and in my opinion, it is the most on-target “plan” for action that any religion can provide. As with all things Jewish, the customs vary by movement (Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, etc.) as well as by the individual or family, but the basics seem to me to be the same throughout.

For details on the process, other people explain it better than I, so read more here: http://www.aish.com/literacy/lifecycle/The_Stages_of_Jewish_Mourning.asp
or here:
http://www.chabad.org/generic.asp?AID=266275&gclid=CKLjlbqHwYkCFTaDGgodCnSxNQ

For those of you who didn’t read more… there are 3 steps:
1) Shiva – a weeklong period of intense mourning. Usually mourners remain at home, with only close friends and family visiting
2) Shloshim – a 30-day period of less intense mourning. Mourners go back to their usual routine, but often refrain from entertaining and/or attending social events.
3) Yartzeit – the annal memorial. This takes place once a year, every year, on the date (according to the Hebrew calendar) of the loved one’s death. Synagogues often mail you a reminder so that you know when one is coming up for someone close to you – like a parent or grandparent.

#3 is really why I’m writing this. Because I’m not always attuned to the Hebrew calendar and I don’t get the reminders from my parents’ synagogue, I sometimes miss the Yartzeit for those who have passed, and I just realized that I missed my grandmother’s. Today was not the only day that I’ve thought about her in the past year – in fact, I ask my parents about her a lot – but there’s something to be said for having one day scheduled every year to think about those you were close to that are no longer around.

So, tonight, when I remembered, I said the Mourner’s Kaddish (our standard prayer of mourning – it actually doesn’t mention death, though) and decided to post this entry... sort of my way of remembering:

My dad’s mom, my grandma, had been dealing with Alzheimer’s for several years when she died in December of 1998 [originally posted as 99] , so it some ways it seemed like a blessing. And, because I was only 17 when she died, many of my “good” memories of her are from when she was sick. But before that, she was always great fun – she loved going swimming in her apartment complex pool, she took my sister and me shopping, she sang silly songs to my cousin Marty and me, and she traveled all over the world with her sister. She baked fantastic banana bread, loved football, and she had the weirdest collection of toys that I had ever seen. So, tonight, I’m going to go to sleep thinking about Grandma, and of all of the times we spent together – and if there’s some form or semblance of afterlife, she’ll know I’m thinking of her.